We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
