you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
