how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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