i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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