didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
