Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
