Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
