dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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