Are you still at the party or did I leave?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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