can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
