So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
