Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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