We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im holly from the hills drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
