gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
