We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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