i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
