I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
