I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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