Cold hands, warm shart.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
