Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
