You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I party with great urgency now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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