I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
