i think i have herpe
just one?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
