dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
