I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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