The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
