birth control should be required to get into college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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