Kiss
Puke
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
