Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
