They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
