dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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