The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
