Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
