why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
