Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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