we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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