so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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