Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
