i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
