On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she told me i tasted like america
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
