I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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