I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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