i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
