i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
