No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
