An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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