fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
