census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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