i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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