You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
